But Jilna, how does Conscious Parenting work, if my husband doesn’t heal himself?

One of the biggest hurdles we can encounter is that of interacting with others while we are healing. Now that we’re doing the work, we can see what can help those around us.

But how can we ‘get’ them to heal or understand that they need healing? If they did the work, not only would it help us connect and communicate effectively with them, but it would also help them feel light and happy.

The fact is, you can’t ‘get’ them to heal. Healing is a personally chosen journey. You can inspire and influence them through your own healing and change in behaviors, but you can’t make them do anything. Perhaps the art is in getting them curious about what you’re doing, which would then get them curious about exploring their own journey.

We might also stress about the concern we have around what they may be feeling because of the truth or reality we’ve shared with them. 

“It’s true.  He is tantruming, because we are tantruming.”

“This isn’t about her whining.  There is something about us, that is making him/her whine.”

“He isn’t mis-behaving.  We are.  And we need to understand how.  Are you willing?”

Let’s face it, it’s never easy to own or take responsibility for ourselves, is it?

So instead of ‘getting’ him/her to do the work with you, how would it feel to start by inquiring within yourself…

What is wrong with allowing their experience (ignorance, disregard, defense, anger, frustration, sadness, etc.) to be what it is?

If you find something is wrong, then what is your belief about it?

Is that belief true?

Check again, is it 100% true?   

If you don’t see anything wrong…

What do you think your fear/trigger is about?

In paying attention to your trigger, what do you notice in your body?

For example: knots in my stomach

By examining your trigger, what do you believe?

For example: that Conscious Parenting only works when both parents heal

When becoming curious about what you believe, what do you recognize? 

For example: that my fear to do Consciously Parent alone is valid, and that my belief is my own and therefore an illusion

When focusing on what about the other person is triggering you, what do you realize you need? For example: to have compassion for myself and compassion for the other person, in knowing that behavioral change can be shocking because it’s new and takes time. 

But how can we communicate and hold space for what the other person is feeling?

The infographic below may help:

Give it a try. If sharing with them in person feels scary, try writing a letter or sending them a private message. Do whatever feels safe for you, but lean into your growth.

Reach out to me here, and let me know how it goes!