This is the Most Important Concept You Need to Heal

I’ve been talking about cultural conditioning in my free private Facebook Group(which I’d love for you to join if you feel inclined, just click on the link!), and I realized that not many moms have engaged with me on this topic.

It got me thinking about how everyone in the group is feeling about what I’m sharing.

I wondered…

…do they see the truth in what I share? If so, would it help if I explained the concept in different ways or at a slower pace?

…have they ever heard the term ‘cultural conditioning’ prior to these conversations? Do they want to know more and should I keep sharing?

…are they feeling anxiety around realizing all the ways they are conditioned, especially when they are in conflict with their children? If so, are they wondering how they can unlearn what they’ve believed for so long?

…or is this information overwhelming and a lot to digest? Would they rather find another way to make their life work?

In inquiry and reflection on these questions, I realized that I, too, was struggling a little bit with how to articulate the importance of understanding our conditioning, since it’s such a big topic. So I tracked back to how I understand this concept, and that’s what I’m offering you today. But before I share, I want to ask you to listen with an open mind. 

It’s an idea Dr. Shefali shared in one of her courses I took, and at first, I found it challenging to grasp. But when I did, a lightbulb went off, and it set the foundation of how I consciously parent today.

We mentally suffer because we have entered an illusion that what we perceive through all of our senses has a concrete definition. In other words, everything we perceive has a universal meaning. A tangible form.

Let’s take, for example, this shirt that I’m wearing. In the physical world of form, we’ve narrowed it down to one word…a shirt. But it’s fabric, sewn together with intricate threads, by a factory-built from thousands of blocks of concrete, with machinery operated by hundreds of crafters, with years of history and experience in that field.

We’ve then added to that word.  For example…it is my shirt.

it = a judgment that the shirt is one single entity.

is = we’ve made it a fact

my = a function that assumes I own it

shirt = a concrete belief, defined by whom? why is it called a “shirt”?

Like this, we’ve used language to create concrete definitions in the physical world that we live in; when in reality, this shirt is a culmination of so many intertwined threads of cause and effect. We’ve reduced it’s potential by limiting it to the one word.

What I’m describing here is conditioning.

We’ve been conditioned to believe a shirt that has the infinite potential to transform and transcend into a scarf, a rag, a washcloth, an undergarment, or even a painting can’t be called anything but a shirt. This is the delusion that we are all living under.

Which brings me to the point of this offering. One of the seven natural laws of the universe is the law of cause and effect. It states that every cause has an effect and every effect becomes the cause of something else. 

So what does this mean?

It means that everything that our senses perceive is created by millions of causes and effects, and so it’s an illusion to think that what we perceive as the truth is the absolute truth.

In other words, by calling it just a shirt, by definition of cause and effect it’s reducing its infinite potential of what it actually is or can be.

And this is why we suffer. Our mental suffering is because we have entered the illusion that what we are seeing is absolutely defined as one thing or another. We’ve lost the essence of the formlessness, the awareness, and curiosity around all the causes and effects it took for this shirt to get made.

So think about the last time you were frustrated with your child. What was going through your mind? “How could he/she do this?” “My child is bad/I am bad.” “I’m not a good enough mother.” These are all judgments and labels based in the world of form. By believing these judgments (for example, the word “bad”) we create our mental suffering.  And we project this mental suffering on our children.

It is only when our mind looks at these ideas outside of the present moment that we can drop the illusion of the absolute form and work with our children in reality.

When you begin to look at life in this way, you realize nothing defined in the language is real. It’s all an illusion. For this “shirt” to have an absolute form in our reality, we would have needed to describe the culmination of every single cause and effect that took place.

Similarly, our challenges with our children are the culmination of a million causes and effects. They, too, are an illusion. And unless we realize this, we will stay stuck in our mental suffering.

This week, I invite you to examine yourself every time you create a judgment or identify with a label to something or someone. Become aware of the illusion and false beliefs. See if you can recognize the million causes and effects that led to that one word.

Child

Husband

Shoes

Face

Friend

Lover

Marriage

Family

Grandparents

Mom

Money

Life

Disrespect

Give it a try and if you need extra support, schedule a FREE one-on-one coaching session with me!