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The subconscious mind is connected to our heart.<\/span><\/p>\n Infants experience feelings through their subconscious mind. They have a natural need to connect with their parents or early caretakers.<\/span><\/p>\n Many of us have experienced a young child\u2019s unconditional love, when we scream at them but they quickly forgive us, only wanting to connect and be validated again.<\/span><\/p>\n So what happens when they don\u2019t feel validated?<\/span><\/p>\n For example, if by being triggered, we put our four-year-old into a time out because he pushed the baby, what do you suppose he felt?<\/span><\/p>\n Possibly sadness, shame, frustration, anger?<\/span><\/p>\n But what happens to this feeling? Where does it go?<\/span><\/p>\n Let\u2019s be curious\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span>Has someone close to you ever invalidated you because they were triggered?<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhy do you always forget?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m so sick of you complaining.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou have no sense.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Can you reflect back for a moment and see how it made you feel? Sad, angry, frustrated?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Did you experience thoughts like <\/span>I\u2019m so forgetful<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>I\u2019m too much for them<\/span><\/i>, or <\/span>I\u2019m stupid<\/span><\/i> or strong bodily sensations like a racing heart, brain fog, or stomachaches?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n If this resonates with you, what you\u2019re experiencing is a trapped feeling, or trigger, of not being heard.<\/span><\/p>\n Similarly, when our young children experience a situation that constricts their self-expression, they will feel misunderstood.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Young children speak in a language of feelings. Their limited language makes it hard for them to express their needs.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n This constriction leaves the child feeling unheard, invalidated, and not enough, which results in sadness, anger, or frustration, ammunition waiting for the next trigger.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Let\u2019s look at the example of the four-year-old and his baby brother again…<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0If the four-year-old is invalidated for pushing the baby with \u201cYou\u2019re a bad boy,\u201d he will feel unsafe and may feel sad or frustrated. This sadness or frustration will find itself a home in his body.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n On the other hand, if he is heard and validated for his pain of the baby playing with his toy with \u201cI hear you. I understand. You don\u2019t want to share right now and you don\u2019t have to,\u201d his self-expression will be honored, and therefore his sadness and frustration will transform into feeling heard and validated.<\/span><\/p>\n As he grows and the invalidation continues, his natural self-expression will diminish and his heart will close, leaving the sadness and frustration to transform into other ways to cope and meet his natural need to connect with his parents. The ways he will learn how to cope and survive his environment are commonly referred to as egoic behaviors.<\/span><\/p>\n And each time he resorts to an egoic behavior to be validated, he will be triggered.<\/span><\/p>\n As adults, we experience triggers because our egos formed when there wasn\u2019t space for us to self-express and feel what we needed to feel when we were young children.<\/span><\/p>\n