[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#a397a7″ custom_padding=”7px|||||”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ width=”100%” saved_tabs=”all” collapsed=”off”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/jillna-flower-topper-01.png” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ max_width=”350px” module_alignment=”center”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_post_title meta=”off” featured_image=”off” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ title_font=”Kurale|||on|||||” title_text_align=”center” title_font_size=”40px”][\/et_pb_post_title][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/46.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ width=”100%”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px” hover_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve been reading what I share or talking with me(whether in or out of formal settings), you\u2019re probably attempting to think about your triggers and understand where your child is coming from. You\u2019re trying really hard to remain calm.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s very difficult to say the least.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cHe wants me to be triggered and angry.\u201d you might tell yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cShe has to stop.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n You\u2019re able to catch your breath by walking away, which helps you get curious.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhy is he doing that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhat does she need?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n You ask, and you see two possibilities:<\/span><\/p>\n He might share what he needs (because you\u2019ve seen that he has been able to in the past) and you may or may not be able to fulfill that need; if not, he may act out further.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Or she may not share or know how to share what she needs.<\/span><\/p>\n If he acts out further or is unable to share, you might feel helpless and fall back into the old unconscious pattern of controlling his behavior with punishment.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cHe wants more ice-cream. He\u2019s had it twice this week. I\u2019ve empathized with him and shared with him that it\u2019s unhealthy, but he\u2019s still acting out.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I hear you, and I see your attempt to deconstruct your process.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/pexels-life-of-pix-7835-scaled.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ hover_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px” hover_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n First, you\u2019re growing. Can you see that? Actually see that you\u2019ve gone from an immediate reaction to a pause, where you can access curiosity and empathy for your child?<\/b><\/p>\n It might not yet be the solution you hoped for, but it\u2019s progress. There is growth. You\u2019re moving in the direction of understanding yourself, and soon you\u2019ll be able to hold space for your child long enough that they can stay connected to themselves. Acknowledge yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n Second, if he\/she is able to share what they need, but you\u2019re unable to fulfill that need, get curious by asking yourself\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n Is what he is asking for physically or emotionally safe? (really get present to this question – does this request pose danger?)<\/span><\/p>\n If not, why am I unable to meet his need? What am I worried about?<\/span><\/p>\n Is what I\u2019m worried about true? Am I able to prove that it\u2019s true? If so, what are the chances of what I believe will actually happen?<\/span><\/p>\n Can I find healthy examples of where I\u2019ve seen other children do\/say\/eat what they need?<\/span><\/p>\n Can I create a condition where both they and I feel safe enough to engage in what they need?<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve had ice-cream twice this week. I see you want it again. The problem with eating ice-cream all the time is that it has sugar, and sugar is unhealthy for your body. I want to support you in making a healthy choice. You can have it today, but can we agree for you to have it twice a week starting tomorrow? Yes? Okay. I want you to know that it might be hard to sit with your feelings the next time you ask for it, but I will need to hold this boundary to keep you safe. I love you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n And then hold the boundary.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/pexels-kristina-paukshtite-3270224-scaled.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ hover_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px” hover_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n If learning how to compassionately respond to your children is helpful, you may enjoy having the library of the conversations I have with Jian. You can find the entire resource library and more by joining my monthly membership, The Path to Conscious Parenting.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If you\u2019ve been reading what I share or talking with me(whether in or out of formal settings), you\u2019re probably attempting to think about your triggers and understand where your child is coming from. You\u2019re trying really hard to remain calm. It\u2019s very difficult to say the least. \u201cHe wants me to be triggered and angry.\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3592,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"_joinchat":[],"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,23,21,25,28,29,34,35,11,26,50],"class_list":["post-3591","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-authentic","tag-authenticity","tag-awareness","tag-commitment","tag-connect","tag-connection","tag-conscious-choice","tag-consciousness","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-styles","tag-sibling"],"yoast_head":"\n