[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#a397a7″ custom_padding=”7px|||||”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ width=”100%” saved_tabs=”all” collapsed=”off”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/jillna-flower-topper-01.png” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ max_width=”350px” module_alignment=”center”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_post_title meta=”off” featured_image=”off” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ title_font=”Kurale|||on|||||” title_text_align=”center” title_font_size=”40px”][\/et_pb_post_title][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/39.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ width=”100%”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px” hover_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
One of the things a lot of us tell ourselves are:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I am not good enough; I\u2019m a failure, a loser. Everyone is better than me.<\/span><\/p>\n I am bad; I don\u2019t deserve anything. Everything I do is wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n I am unlovable; I don\u2019t fit in. I\u2019m unattractive. No one likes me.<\/span><\/p>\n I am worthless; I\u2019m a failure. I\u2019m incapable. There is something wrong with me.<\/span><\/p>\n I am unimportant; the people I love will leave me.<\/span><\/p>\n I am irresponsible; everything is my fault. I never get it right.<\/span><\/p>\n These are examples of core beliefs. <\/b>They are beliefs about ourselves, other people, and the world we live in.\u00a0 They are seated within our subconscious and the core of our being. We don\u2019t go about our day consciously thinking about these beliefs. We aren\u2019t even really aware of them; rather, they show up as fearful emotions, such as sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment, etc., and in that way they drive our every choice and decision in life.<\/span><\/p>\n We think, \u201cI know I\u2019m upset and I know it\u2019s about me, but I don\u2019t understand why.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/pexels-keenan-constance-2865901-scaled.jpg” align=”center” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ hover_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px” hover_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n I get it. It may feel overwhelming at first to make sense of our emotions, to try to understand which of our core inner beliefs is driving our lives.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n But if we want to process these core beliefs, create new beliefs, and free ourselves of suffering, it\u2019s important to either learn how to make sense of our emotions, or work with someone who can help us do so.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019ll tell you how I discovered one of my core beliefs with a technique called \u2018laddering\u2019.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n To use this technique, you take a common automatic thought, question its meaning, and then keep questioning it until you reach a core belief.<\/span><\/p>\n My automatic thought was, \u201cI don\u2019t get it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n What don\u2019t I get? What does \u2018not getting it\u2019 mean?<\/span><\/p>\n It means I don\u2019t understand things.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n What if I don\u2019t understand something? What does that mean?<\/span><\/p>\n It means I\u2019m not smart.<\/span><\/p>\n The purpose of our core inner belief is to create walls that protect us from vulnerability, but it also prevents us from growing as individuals. For so long I perceived the world through my lens of \u201cI\u2019m not smart enough.\u201d\u00a0 In fact, a part of why I do this work is to challenge this unknown and uncomfortable territory of considering myself smart. Because if I don\u2019t do this uncomfortable thing, like sharing things with you that might empower you, I\u2019m reinforcing my core belief that \u201cI don\u2019t get Conscious Parenting\u201d, which strengthens my core belief that perhaps I\u2019m not smart enough.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/pexels-andrea-piacquadio-3808057-scaled.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ hover_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px” hover_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n When I hold onto this core belief, it affects so many other choices and decisions in my life:<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s crazy, I know. One core belief can cause multiple problem areas in your life.<\/span><\/p>\n Our core beliefs get birthed in infancy when we misunderstand a situation and are left to interpret that situation on our own. Before language, young children communicate in vibrations or energy.\u00a0 With every interaction they experience, they interpret events through the other person\u2019s energy. If they are met with acceptance and understanding(love), they remain connected to the other person. If they are met with anger, frustration, or irritation(fear), they will disconnect from the other person.<\/span><\/p>\n In this disconnection, they create an interpretation of the situation around what they did to cause the negative reaction, which becomes a story about themselves that eventually becomes their core belief. They begin to believe that they are not good enough. That they did something wrong. That they are bad. That they didn\u2019t meet their parents’ needs, and therefore there must be something wrong with them. This core belief then shows up everytime they experience a challenge in their lives, and it determines whether or not they will be able to overcome the challenge or not.<\/span><\/p>\n So what does this look like in a young child\u2019s experience of life?<\/span><\/p>\n I have an example that I will share with you, that may resonate for children between the ages of 3 and 8. In this situation, there is a parent and child, and the child wants to go somewhere.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/curiosity-to-fear.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ hover_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px” hover_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n If the child is unable to articulate that they are unable to understand why they can\u2019t go (the challenge), their core belief remains as their view of the world. Their view of the world is similarly impacted by the way they experience any situation that they find themselves in.<\/span><\/p>\n If their parent\u2019s core belief continues to model communication in this way, this child will continue to believe that they don\u2019t matter and will find other ways to cope. But if the parent has walked the journey of understanding their own core belief, they will learn a new way of communicating, and will be able to provide a model for the child of how to express their needs, how to ask for what they need, and how to ask concise questions. The parent will begin to speak a language that will allow them to help the child understand why they can\u2019t go, rather than leaving them with the vague \u2018no\u2019.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n This results in both people being able to co-create and negotiate solutions that work for both of them. More importantly, the child is able to make sense of the experience, and is able to connect with their parent.<\/span><\/p>\n Knowing our core belief is especially important in parenting, because when we identify our own core beliefs, it\u2019s easier to see core beliefs in others, and it allows us to raise children who develop a strong sense of self with true beliefs instead.<\/span><\/p>\n I am worthy; I\u2019m practicing so I can become better.<\/span><\/p>\n I am good. I want to be good. I deserve everything that life has to offer.<\/span><\/p>\n I am lovable just the way I am. I love myself, and others will love me too.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019m trying, and that\u2019s what matters. Sometimes I\u2019ll get it right away, and other times I\u2019ll need more practice.<\/span><\/p>\n Those who resonate with me will see my light. It\u2019s okay not to be liked by everyone.<\/span><\/p>\n I am powerful. I do things with intention. I have the power to choose my actions.<\/span><\/p>\n We can do this by reconnecting with children as soon as we\u2019re calm and feeling more in control of ourselves. This may involve expressing forgiveness, but it may also require that we apologize and accept responsibility for our own actions.<\/span><\/p>\n This step needs to occur as quickly as possible. The sooner we repair the connection between ourselves and our child, the less our children need to heal from their misinterpreted experiences. It allows them to feel heard.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/fear-to-growth.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ hover_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px” hover_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n Give it a try.<\/span><\/p>\n Take one of your common automatic thoughts, question its meaning, and then keep questioning it until you reach a core belief.<\/span><\/p>\n And if you need extra support, schedule a FREE one-on-one coaching session with me and I\u2019ll help understand what yours is.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" One of the things a lot of us tell ourselves are:\u00a0 I am not good enough; I\u2019m a failure, a loser. Everyone is better than me. I am bad; I don\u2019t deserve anything. Everything I do is wrong. I am unlovable; I don\u2019t fit in. I\u2019m unattractive. No one likes me. I am worthless; I\u2019m […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3476,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"_joinchat":[],"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,23,21,25,28,29,34,35,11,26,50],"class_list":["post-3473","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-authentic","tag-authenticity","tag-awareness","tag-commitment","tag-connect","tag-connection","tag-conscious-choice","tag-consciousness","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-styles","tag-sibling"],"yoast_head":"\n\n