[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#a397a7″ custom_padding=”7px|||||”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ width=”100%” saved_tabs=”all” collapsed=”off”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/jillna-flower-topper-01.png” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ max_width=”350px” module_alignment=”center”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_post_title meta=”off” featured_image=”off” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ title_font=”Kurale|||on|||||” title_text_align=”center” title_font_size=”40px”][\/et_pb_post_title][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/How-to-get-into-a-conversation.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ hover_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ width=”100%”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px” header_font_size=”45px” header_2_font=”|||on|||||” header_2_font_size=”32px”]<\/p>\n
We\u2019ve been talking about how every situation, person, thing, and identity in the world of form is an illusion. How that identity or specific situation that we\u2019ve labeled or judged only makes sense in reality if we can define all the causes and effects that led to it. If we\u2019re unable to define it, then our thoughts of that situation or identity are false.<\/span><\/p>\n Now, again\u2026I\u2019m not asking you to believe what I\u2019m sharing. I\u2019m asking you to look within yourself to see if what I\u2019m sharing is true for you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/pexels-ismael-sanchez-2282000-scaled.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px”]<\/p>\n I\u2019ll give you an example:<\/span><\/p>\n One of my biggest triggers with Jian is if things are done haphazardly, or without intention.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019ve done the work to understand where this trigger stems from, how it’s linked to my childhood, and how the need to do things \u201cwith intention\u201d or the \u201cright way\u201d were modeled to me. Intellectually, I understand my thoughts and the conditions around them.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Now, the reason I said the word intention and right way in quotations, was because what I\u2019ve deconstructed for myself has led me to question my own definitions of those concepts. I\u2019m not saying that there is anything wrong with wanting him to be intentional. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. In fact, it’s perfectly healthy to want the other person in any relationship to approach and go about things with intention. It makes for a great feeling, doesn\u2019t it?<\/span><\/p>\n But it\u2019s a problem if that need creates a reaction or suffering in me. In that case, I have to question my own intention around those words.<\/span><\/p>\n So let me explain what I mean…<\/span><\/p>\n The belief I have around \u201cwith intention\u201d or the \u201cright way\u201d is; \u201che didn\u2019t mean it\u201d or \u201che did it just to get it done\u201d and \u201cwhat a waste of time\u201d. I\u2019ve found that this belief is closely tied to my beliefs around perfection and needing things to be done a certain way. It makes me feel frustrated when certain things aren\u2019t done a certain way.<\/span><\/p>\n So it\u2019s been really helpful to understand that my thoughts are an illusion. Because it makes me wonder; is it really true that he doesn\u2019t mean what he does?<\/span><\/p>\n Well, it could be.<\/span><\/p>\n But it could also be that he had valid reasons why he did what he did in the way he did it.<\/span><\/p>\n I wouldn\u2019t know the truth if I got consumed by my trigger. I would only know that truth if I got curious and into a conversation with him to hear what was going on in his world.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n So how do we do that? How do we create enough space to access curiosity?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n We\u2019ve talked about conditioning, and deconstructing that conditioning, but that\u2019s not always enough. Sometimes the thought is so powerful that it takes over our entire bodies and we drown in it, resulting in our reactions.<\/span><\/p>\n What we also need is to build awareness.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/building-awareness.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px”]<\/p>\n Senses -> Thoughts -> Feelings -> Wants -> Actions<\/span><\/p>\n We experience the world through our senses, and those experiences inform our assumptions, perceptions, and the beliefs we\u2019ve put in our thoughts. Through journaling, we can break down the words that we take in through our senses, and allow ourselves to become an objective witness instead. In doing so, we make a shift away from the struggle of the illusion we are living under. We no longer feel pressured to identify with it.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n We then can become aware of our body and the physical sensations we experience in it – like a flutter, brain fog, or knots in the stomach – which help us identify our feelings of happiness, frustration, anger, and so on.<\/span><\/p>\n We do so by finding our breath, and focusing on it. We become a witness to those sensations and observe them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n This gap between the witnessing or observing of our thoughts and physical sensations creates space. That space allows for detachment and objectivity. Then, when we can live in that space of detachment, we create freedom for ourselves to become curious and get into a conversation with the other person.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/becoming-a-witness-to-thoughts-and-feelings.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We\u2019ve been talking about how every situation, person, thing, and identity in the world of form is an illusion. How that identity or specific situation that we\u2019ve labeled or judged only makes sense in reality if we can define all the causes and effects that led to it. If we\u2019re unable to define it, then […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3428,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"_joinchat":[],"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[25,36,28,29,34,16,35,26,24],"class_list":["post-3398","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-commitment","tag-communication","tag-connect","tag-connection","tag-conscious-choice","tag-conscious-parenting","tag-consciousness","tag-parenting-styles","tag-understanding"],"yoast_head":"\n