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Giving our children choices understandably comes with many fears.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n We worry that:<\/span><\/p>\n …if we give our child a choice on what to eat for breakfast, they will eat the same thing every day.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n …if we hold space for their anger or frustration, they won\u2019t respect authority or boundaries.<\/span><\/p>\n …if we honor their love for sharing their toys, they will want to give away their entire piggy bank.<\/span><\/p>\n …if we model loving ourselves first, they will feel we don\u2019t love them enough.<\/span><\/p>\n …if we encourage them to speak up, they will voice their opinions more, and we won\u2019t like what we hear.<\/span><\/p>\n …if we give them the power to negotiate, we will give away our control over them, and they will end up wanting to make all the decisions.<\/span><\/p>\n …if they get used to having so many choices, that they won\u2019t adapt to the world we live in, where choices aren\u2019t given.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n But the truth is, these are extreme thoughts.<\/span><\/p>\n We\u2019ve lost confidence and courage in ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n And the truth is, the benefits far outweigh the risks.<\/span><\/p>\n If you feel inclined, take a look at this article on Mother.ly that shares 6 powerful benefits of giving our children choice.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n I get it, though…<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n There are days where I, too, slip back into controlling his choices.<\/p>\n Me:\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve got to eat that broccoli\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Me:\u00a0 \u201cYou have to sleep at 6pm\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Me:\u00a0 \u201cClean up or I\u2019m taking your phone away\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n But that\u2019s why I give him full permission to hold me accountable when I\u2019m not speaking my truth.<\/strong><\/p>\n Jian:\u00a0 \u201cNo, I don\u2019t have to eat that Broccoli.\u00a0 I\u2019m eating mushrooms.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Jian:\u00a0 \u201cWhy? I\u2019ll get my 10 hours of sleep if I sleep at 8pm\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Jian:\u00a0 \u201cYou can\u2019t take my phone away.\u00a0 That\u2019s not related to me not cleaning up.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n It sounds shocking, but sometimes I need him to shock me.<\/span><\/p>\n Because I\u2019ve lost confidence and courage.<\/span><\/p>\n These shocks stop me and shake me back into compassion, where I understand what it feels like when my own choices are being controlled.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n The Whole Brain Child, by Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, explains the science behind how a developing young brain builds courage and confidence through choice.<\/span><\/p>\n