[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#a397a7″ custom_padding=”7px|||||”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ width=”100%” saved_tabs=”all” collapsed=”off”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/jillna-flower-topper-01.png” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ max_width=”350px” module_alignment=”center”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_post_title meta=”off” featured_image=”off” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ title_font=”Kurale|||on|||||” title_text_align=”center” title_font_size=”40px”][\/et_pb_post_title][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/What-Does-Choice-Mean-to-Me.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ width=”100%”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px” header_font_size=”45px” header_2_font=”|||on|||||” header_2_font_size=”32px”]<\/p>\n
And why does understanding it matter, in getting our children to ‘listen’?<\/span><\/p>\n When our 4 year old pushes our 11 month old…<\/span><\/p>\n When our 7 year old forgets something for the 10th time\u2026.<\/span><\/p>\n When our 5 year old lies about how much screen time she\u2019s used…\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n When our 6 year old hoards her toys…<\/span><\/p>\n When our 8 year old doesn’t play fair\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n When our 3 year old has a meltdown\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n We find ourselves helpless in an emotional reaction of anger, frustration, irritation, sadness, victimhood, or shame.\u00a0 So we turn to control and discipline.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cStop it, or you\u2019re going into a time out.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhy are you so forgetful?<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cLying is disrespectful.\u00a0 Speak the truth.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cShare, or I\u2019m taking it away.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIf you can\u2019t play fair, then you can\u2019t play at all.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cLast time I took you, you screamed the whole time.\u00a0 So this time, you\u2019re staying home.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n We point fingers at our children and sometimes at our spouse, mother-in-law, culture, or teachers as to why our children are acting out in the way they are.\u00a0 We blame, control, and discipline.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n But none of it works.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n We continue to find ourselves in similar situations at least every few hours, if not every other day; only with escalated emotions.<\/span><\/p>\n We wonder why our children act out in the same way, over and over again.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Surely it\u2019s not our intention, because it feels exhausting and we want SO badly for our children to behave so we can find peace after a long day\u2019s work.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n We physically witness their flailing arms and legs or hysterical cries, and quickly make assumptions on why we think they\u2019re acting that way.<\/span><\/p>\n He\u2019s aggressive, he needs to be taught it\u2019s not okay to hit\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n She\u2019s so lazy \u2026<\/span><\/p>\n He is a typical toddler, he lies\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n She doesn\u2019t know how to share\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n Let her cry it out, she\u2019s so stubborn\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n He needs to learn his lesson\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n What if I told you, our children are expressing their inability to communicate their needs?<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span>And we are experiencing a loss of awareness of their needs.<\/span><\/p>\n Or, said another way; a loss of presence and understanding.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n We\u2019re unable to clearly understand the whole picture of why we are in the position we\u2019ve found ourselves in.\u00a0 We\u2019re unable to understand that there is more to the situation than the flailing arms and legs and the assumptions we are making.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n But, you ask, what more is there to see?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The answer, lies in gaining a new awareness through curiosity.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n After all, the opposite of projection IS curiosity.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n So what does this curiosity look like, in the midst of feeling angry or ashamed?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n What should we be asking ourselves or being curious about?<\/span><\/p>\n First, it looks like acknowledging every emotion we experience.<\/span><\/p>\n @drdansiegel talks about naming our emotions to tame them.\u00a0 The idea behind it is to help integrate our right brain, which is responsible for the emotional reactions and our fight or flight response, and our left-brain, which is responsible for logic and reasoning.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n When we name our emotions and let ourselves feel them, we acknowledge them in order to help us find calm.\u00a0 We can then use logic to become curious about our emotional reactions.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Mindfulness and breathwork exercises also help us find calm.<\/span><\/p>\n How does my belly feel?<\/span><\/p>\n