[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#a397a7″ custom_padding=”7px|||||”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ width=”100%” saved_tabs=”all” collapsed=”off”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/jillna-flower-topper-01.png” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ max_width=”350px” module_alignment=”center”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_post_title meta=”off” featured_image=”off” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ title_font=”Kurale|||on|||||” title_text_align=”center” title_font_size=”40px”][\/et_pb_post_title][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/5-Core-Life-Lessons-and-Values-I-Desire-for-Myself-and-Jian.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ width=”100%”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px” header_font_size=”45px” header_2_font=”|||on|||||” header_2_font_size=”32px” custom_padding=”||0px|||”]<\/p>\n
The pain we feel with our children is often the ultimate level of pain. <\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/N-vs.-N-Curiosity-of-the-Ego-or-\u201cI\u201d_1-scaled.jpg” align=”center” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ max_height=”607px”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px”]<\/p>\n It\u2019s nature\u2019s way of asking us to wake up, so that our children don\u2019t nurture our worst habits. Nature knows a child\u2019s well-being is at stake. That\u2019s why conflict with our children feels so much more painful. Our children are here to mirror this pain, to ignite it in hopes that we\u2019ll birth a new life for ourselves and them.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n It is no surprise why we have the children we each individually do. They are here to awaken us. They\u2019ve chosen us for a reason.\u00a0<\/span>They\u2019ll mirror to us all the ways we are stuck in our egotistical thought patterns and belief systems. <\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/N-vs.-N-Curiosity-of-the-Ego-or-\u201cI\u201d_2-scaled.jpg” align=”center” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ min_height=”670px” max_height=”607px”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px”]<\/p>\n Our children\u2019s actions ignite emotions in us that have powerful messages. Our usual reactions are fueled by our ego minds.<\/span><\/p>\n The ego is the <\/span>I<\/span><\/i> that runs our lives:<\/span><\/p>\n The ego is only concerned with the survival of the <\/span>I<\/span><\/i>. It reacts by protecting us against the threats we perceive from our children.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Ironically, it also reminds us of how our parents or early caretakers reacted to us.<\/span><\/p>\n The instinct of the ego mind is to:<\/span><\/p>\n Its job is to protect us against what we perceive as threats to our own existence and from the painful disconnection we experienced from our true selves. The ego doesn\u2019t want to do bad things. It wants to protect us and help us survive. But it doesn\u2019t know how to do it in a healthy way. So it helps us not feel the physical constriction, like a racing heart, brain fog, or stomachaches, it will teach us ways to control, fix, and manage our children.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/N-vs.-N-Curiosity-of-the-Ego-or-\u201cI\u201d_7-scaled.jpg” align=”center” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ width=”100%” max_width=”100%” height=”611px”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px”]<\/p>\n The <\/span>I<\/span><\/i> is afraid to be challenged. The ego is the set of beliefs and ways of thinking we have nurtured and now identify with. And when these ways are threatened, our true self is threatened, so we defend these ways, even though they create disconnections.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n This <\/span>I<\/span><\/i> or ego is who we identify with. We think it is who we are.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 By attaching to our beliefs, we think we are teaching:<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0the four-year-old how to be kind\u2014by punishing him with a timeout.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 the seven-year-old to focus\u2014by forcefully implying that he is forgetful.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0the six-year-old to share\u2014by shaming her into thinking she is selfish.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0the eight-year-old to be a team player\u2014by making him feel he deserves to be left out.<\/span><\/p>\n the three-year-old to communicate peacefully\u2014by shutting her down for having strong emotions.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 the five-year-old to tell the truth\u2014by misunderstanding his desire for his interest.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n The ego wants us to connect, feel love, and communicate with our children, but it doesn\u2019t know how. And its nature is to do whatever it can to survive, because it thinks you can\u2019t survive without it.<\/span><\/p>\n It has no idea that there is a true self beneath it, which is who we are.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/N-vs.-N-Curiosity-of-the-Ego-or-\u201cI\u201d_12-scaled.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px”]<\/p>\n Having this awareness is our opportunity to create safety and understanding for our ego minds, so we can connect and communicate with our children. We can have compassion for the ego and the reactions that arise from it. Our reactions and assumptions are the ways we learned to cope and survive in order to belong and connect to our parents and early caretakers. We can hold space for the ego and its reactions.<\/span><\/p>\n But instead we should enter curiosity through our natural minds. We can use this innate curiosity to determine:<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0how we\u2019ve contributed to these behaviors.<\/span><\/p>\n where our children learned these behaviors from.<\/span><\/p>\n whom they learned these behaviors from.<\/span><\/p>\n when they learned these behaviors.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0why these behaviors ignite our emotions.<\/span><\/p>\n what we believe about these behaviors.<\/span><\/p>\n\n
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