[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#a397a7″ custom_padding=”7px|||||”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ width=”100%” saved_tabs=”all” collapsed=”off”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/jillna-flower-topper-01.png” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ max_width=”350px” module_alignment=”center”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_post_title meta=”off” featured_image=”off” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ title_font=”Kurale|||on|||||” title_text_align=”center” title_font_size=”40px”][\/et_pb_post_title][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/5-Core-Life-Lessons-and-Values-I-Desire-for-Myself-and-Jian.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ width=”100%”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px” header_font_size=”45px” header_2_font=”|||on|||||” header_2_font_size=”32px” custom_padding=”||0px|||”]<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll share a personal story of how my own ego mind formed, when I wasn\u2019t validated or connected to my parents.<\/span><\/p>\n I grew up in an environment where my parents unintentionally were only aware of the one-size-fits-all traditional education model of our culture: a classroom of twenty children grouped together by age, learning in one environment, with one learning style and one curriculum. It used manipulations to control and direct children, including both rewards and punishments.<\/span><\/p>\n I did horribly in that system, at least according to the education standards at that time. So as the system continued to prove my lack of worth through testing and grades and continued to control and direct what and why I should learn, my self-expression, confidence, and self-worth began to diminish and my ego began to strengthen.<\/span><\/p>\n Furthermore, my parents failed to recognize my visual learning style and therefore weren\u2019t able to create the environment that I needed to support my natural way of learning, which resulted in me feeling stupid almost my entire life.<\/span><\/p>\n Structure and organization came easily to me. So my ego mind began to protect me by overcompensating in these areas, to cover up where I felt inadequate or stupid. These inadequacies can be thought of as vulnerabilities in my image of who I should be.<\/span><\/p>\n These ways began to rule my life. And as others deemed them valuable, I felt more and more validated and I began to achieve even higher levels of both.<\/span><\/p>\n This continued through high school and into college. And when I began my Event Design business. It followed me into marriage and into giving birth to my son, Jian, which is where I became obsessive.<\/span><\/p>\n I had calendar reminders set up so that by the time Jian was three, I had signed him up for Kumon to ensure he became smart (as if he wasn\u2019t already), according to the same education standards his environment deemed smart.<\/span><\/p>\n I would sit down with him to do his Kumon lessons, and no matter what I tried, he didn\u2019t want to engage. I tried creating structure through fun lesson plans and organized his routine, to ensure he was fully fed and rested before we started. And within the first ten minutes, we were both in the midst of full-on explosions\u2014him screaming on the floor and me walking away fuming with anger.<\/span><\/p>\n It came to a point where the triggers were everywhere. I realized not only was I sabotaging my relationship with Jian but I was also suppressing his natural self-expression and curiosity.<\/span><\/p>\n The problem, you see, was that I was misguidedly using him to avoid my vulnerability of feeling stupid. If he did well at school, it would have continued to prove my worth, to show that I was indeed smart.<\/span><\/p>\n Whenever anything happens to uncover our vulnerabilities, we get triggered because we don\u2019t want to see our own vulnerabilities.<\/span><\/p>\n And so we blame a situation or the other person. We say, \u201cThey triggered me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Buddha said that with our minds we create the world.\u00a0 But, it’s also true that before our minds create the world, the world creates our mind.\u00a0 It programs us.\u00a0 And so the nature of that programming, and how to disconnect from it, is really what I\u2019m most curious about.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/jilnajasani.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/N-vs.-N-The-Truth-Liberates-Us_2.jpg” _builder_version=”4.4.2″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ text_font_size=”19px”]<\/p>\n